The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-03-01 03:14:30
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Philippa Perry
- ISBN：0241251028
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
Every parent wants their child to be happy and every parent wants to avoid screwing them up （the way their parents did！）。 But how do you do that？
In this absorbing， clever， and warm book， renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry tells us what really matters and what behavior it is important to avoid--the vital dos and don'ts of parenting。
Her approach begins with parents themselves and their own psychological make-up and history--and how that in turn influences one's parenting。
Instead of mapping out the "perfect" plan， Perry offers a big-picture look at the elements that lead to good parent-child relationships。 This refreshing judgement-free book will help you to:
- Understand how your own upbringing may affect your parenting
- Accept that you will make mistakes and learn what you can do about them
- Break negative cycles and patterns
- Handle your own and child's feelings
- Understand what different behaviors communicate
Full of sage and sane advice， The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read is one every parent will want to read and every child will wish their parents had。
In this absorbing， clever， and warm book， renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry tells us what really matters and what behavior it is important to avoid--the vital dos and don'ts of parenting。
Her approach begins with parents themselves and their own psychological make-up and history--and how that in turn influences one's parenting。
Instead of mapping out the "perfect" plan， Perry offers a big-picture look at the elements that lead to good parent-child relationships。 This refreshing judgement-free book will help you to:
- Understand how your own upbringing may affect your parenting
- Accept that you will make mistakes and learn what you can do about them
- Break negative cycles and patterns
- Handle your own and child's feelings
- Understand what different behaviors communicate
Full of sage and sane advice， The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read is one every parent will want to read and every child will wish their parents had。
Reviews
Carolyn Arnold
，
I like much of Perry’s attitude toward parenting and her theories。 Sadly a bit ‘judgy’ in parts。
Lucy Bunce
，
This is very good。 I really wish I'd read it when my children were little bit it's still relevant now。 Very thought provoking。 This is very good。 I really wish I'd read it when my children were little bit it's still relevant now。 Very thought provoking。 。。。more
Elly Griffin
，
I absolutely LOVED this book！ Confronting at points but so much logic and gentle kindness。 I highly recommend for anyone who is/has parents or who was/is a child （or a parent） ;） It is written in a digestible and straightforward way with both anecdotes and research。 I will be foisting it onto anyone who will listen。
Verity
，
I loved this book。 Perfect reading while waiting for my baby to get here。
Connie Baker-Arney
，
Somewhat hard to connect with if you do not have children or want them。 However， it helped me deep dive into my childhood and understand a lot of my own behaviours and patterns。 It's been a really interesting process。 Its written in a comforting style， and I enjoyed learning and understanding some psychology。 Somewhat hard to connect with if you do not have children or want them。 However， it helped me deep dive into my childhood and understand a lot of my own behaviours and patterns。 It's been a really interesting process。 Its written in a comforting style， and I enjoyed learning and understanding some psychology。 。。。more
Daniela Jovanoska
，
Some good bits about the influence of our upbringing on our interactions with the rest of the world （our kids included）。 However， you could tell the author is a well off， white woman with one kid。 Most of the advices and solutions in this book are far removed from the real life and work only as an dramatized dialogue in a book but not in real life scenarios。I think this book should be read if you are in a good place mentally so that you are able to pick and choose the bits and pieces suitable fo Some good bits about the influence of our upbringing on our interactions with the rest of the world （our kids included）。 However， you could tell the author is a well off， white woman with one kid。 Most of the advices and solutions in this book are far removed from the real life and work only as an dramatized dialogue in a book but not in real life scenarios。I think this book should be read if you are in a good place mentally so that you are able to pick and choose the bits and pieces suitable for you。 However， please do not read this if you are currently anxious/depressed because of parenting struggles。 And especially don’t read this if you have any symptoms of ppa/ppd。 The tone is condescending and judgmental with clear and distinct lack of empathy for parents。 There are plenty of other books on gentle and even on attachment parenting that will help you with your struggles without making you feel horrible about yourself in the process。 。。。more
Michelle Nimusiima
，
Very interesting read， full of sensible advice。。。 although I wonder how realistic it is for a parent to implement all this advice throughout their child’s life。 However， I will be re-reading once ready to start a family。 The book includes exercises that I found super helpful to understanding how my upbringing has shaped me。
Gurpreet Kaur
，
I don't have children of my own but I was really intrigued to read this to better understand why I turned out the way I did e。g why I have certain triggers and learning to link them to my own upbringing。 I'd highly recommend this book to everyone， not just parents！ It's a wonderfully empathetic and helpful look at how we interact with cach other， and why we are the way we are。 It really helped guide me to reflect on my own childhood and learning to deal with alot of emotions that I had repressed I don't have children of my own but I was really intrigued to read this to better understand why I turned out the way I did e。g why I have certain triggers and learning to link them to my own upbringing。 I'd highly recommend this book to everyone， not just parents！ It's a wonderfully empathetic and helpful look at how we interact with cach other， and why we are the way we are。 It really helped guide me to reflect on my own childhood and learning to deal with alot of emotions that I had repressed。The writing doesn't come off across as preachy or a typical 'quick easy tips and tricks' kind of book， but rather a very human and non judgemental approach to teaching to reflect rather than react。 At the end of cach section， there are suggestions and exercises to try out for yourself which really got the information to hit home for me。 。。。more
Yoni
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DNF - Not my thing and as a professional in pedagogics I found it too flat and repetitive。 Could be a great one for people who aren’t in pedagogics， social work etc though。
Fiona
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Fantastic， insightful read。 One that I will return to as my child gets older。 Not just a parenting book， will help with all manor of relationships
Kaitlin Olson Reno
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Pretty repetitive。 And nothing too shocking in here
Chelsea
，
This is a great resource on how to build the kind of lifelong relationships we all desire with our children。
Aili Kvell
，
Veidi ebaintelligentselt， kohati lohakalt edasi antud hea sõnum。 Ole inimene， su laps on inimene， rääkige asjadest。 Seda sõnumit on edasi antud labaselt lihtsustatud näidetega， mis teevad terve raamatu lugemise konarlikuks ja panevad kohati silmi pööritama。 Näidetena kasutatud dialoogid on esitatud teooriat koheselt toetavalt， aga üksi inimene ei räägi päris elus oma lapsega selliselt， selliseid sõnu kasutades。 Tervet raamatut saadab tunne， et lihtne sõnum on kunstlikult venitatud kindlalt ette Veidi ebaintelligentselt， kohati lohakalt edasi antud hea sõnum。 Ole inimene， su laps on inimene， rääkige asjadest。 Seda sõnumit on edasi antud labaselt lihtsustatud näidetega， mis teevad terve raamatu lugemise konarlikuks ja panevad kohati silmi pööritama。 Näidetena kasutatud dialoogid on esitatud teooriat koheselt toetavalt， aga üksi inimene ei räägi päris elus oma lapsega selliselt， selliseid sõnu kasutades。 Tervet raamatut saadab tunne， et lihtne sõnum on kunstlikult venitatud kindlalt ette antud lehekülgede arvule ja see solvab kohati lugeja intelligentsust。 。。。more
Rebekah Stanley
，
I thoroughly enjoyed this book， I wanted to read it as I had heard so many reviews of people raving about it。 As a first time Mum， I too have jumped into the unknown world of parenting （as we know there is no instruction manual） and sometimes that can be damn terrifying when you are trying to navigate your own feelings/emotions as well as understand and attend to your little person whilst trying to be the best parent you can be。 I have found myself in situations as a Mum where I have questioned I thoroughly enjoyed this book， I wanted to read it as I had heard so many reviews of people raving about it。 As a first time Mum， I too have jumped into the unknown world of parenting （as we know there is no instruction manual） and sometimes that can be damn terrifying when you are trying to navigate your own feelings/emotions as well as understand and attend to your little person whilst trying to be the best parent you can be。 I have found myself in situations as a Mum where I have questioned my parenting and how to approach certain behaviours and feeling like I have failed because I don’t know what to do or I haven’t handled the situation the best I could。 Reading this book has really opened my eyes to see things from my child’s perspective and to approach things/her in a different way and to include her in the decisions and to see what is the right and wrong behaviour。 It has also helped me to understand some things from my own childhood that have been etched into me from the parenting I received as a child。 Again， from reading some of the other reviews I think people may have taken Philippa’s stories to close to heart， and think it’s all just a waste and that she is trying to dictate how you should parent but I feel what she has written is so very truthful and it’s up to you if you feel it’s relevant or not to yourself or your children。 If you are open to facing things from your childhood that you want to change and you’re willing to put in the work to have the best possible relationship with your child/children then I highly recommend reading this book！ 。。。more
عمر الحمادي
，
يقدم الكتاب حلولاً معقولة نسبياً للتعامل مع الأبناء لكن ليس لدرجة أنك ستتمنى لو قرأها أبواك أو أن أطفالك سيكونون سعداء لأنك قرأتها。。。。 كثير من مواضيع الكلام اجتهادات خاضعة لمتغيرات البيئة والثقافة والمعتقدات المسبقة، لذلك لا يمكن تعميم كل ما جاء فيه، مع عدم التقليل من أهمية كثير من الإرشادات التي قدمتها المؤلفة。
Rhia
，
I read a review of this in the Guardian and picked it up because it seemed like it might have something new to say。 It's fine advice。 But if you've read other parenting books you've probably heard it all already。 I read a review of this in the Guardian and picked it up because it seemed like it might have something new to say。 It's fine advice。 But if you've read other parenting books you've probably heard it all already。 。。。more
lucy estel rose
，
A must read！
Clare Deborah
，
Via Audible。What a massive disappointment from a book I was looking forward to reading。To be clear， I strongly believe in attachment parenting， and a lot of the content in this book I agree with。 I understand the impact of childhood on the adult， and I know how important emotional validation is。 But。Perry seems to be explaining her ideas to， ironically， a small child whom she talks down to （since she is the narrator as well as the author， this feels like a valid criticism）。 The book's audience i Via Audible。What a massive disappointment from a book I was looking forward to reading。To be clear， I strongly believe in attachment parenting， and a lot of the content in this book I agree with。 I understand the impact of childhood on the adult， and I know how important emotional validation is。 But。Perry seems to be explaining her ideas to， ironically， a small child whom she talks down to （since she is the narrator as well as the author， this feels like a valid criticism）。 The book's audience is confusing， as many of the scenarios belong in families who will likely raise fairly happy kids， but they are discussed like they are emotionally torturing their children。 There is little help for families with severe problems。 What I hated most was Perry's voices that she put on。 I don't know if she thought she was being funny， but she came across as nasty and mocking。 Her kid's voice was so nasty it really made me question why she would use it in a book about treating children with respect。 It is ridiculous to me that parents would only feel they need a break from their children because they are reenacting damaging patterns from their own childhood: children are hard work， and modelling self-care by taking some personal time could be framed positively for children。 It seems to be at cross-purposes to the supposed message that you don't validate your own feelings and martyr yourself to your child （that won't help attachment）。 I don't agree with psychoanalytic theory， so the way the ideas were framed was off-putting， and her ideas are not as revolutionary as she seems to think: this is old news。 Finally， the dialogue was utterly unrealistic to the point of cringing。Other people have mentioned other flaws I'm sure I would hate if I had got that far， but I didn't。Abandoned。 。。。more
unforgiven
，
4。5/5
Enda Hackett
，
Some real nuggets of wisdom。 Each culture has a different approach to parenthood。 And this book relies very much on using UK parenthood culture as a default base。 Whilst using American data/studies to validate points。 This of course in turn weakens certain points as it is like comparing chalk and cheese。
Laura
，
After reading this book I reflected on my parenting style and my whole way of being a parent has changed。 I had mixed feelings before starting to read the book but I am so glad a picked it up 。
Claudia
，
Every parent should read it。 It's like a Empathy-Class for beginners and also helps with letting go personal issues。 Every parent should read it。 It's like a Empathy-Class for beginners and also helps with letting go personal issues。 。。。more
CTemp
，
One of the best books I have read in a while。 Makes you stop and think and take action。 Great case studies and Phillipa writes in a very understandable non-preachy way without psychobabble。 I would recommend this to anyone who wants to improve their relationships and have in fact ordered another copy to pass on （as well as her other books！）
Holly
，
As with any book full of advice， some must be taken with a grain of salt。 Overall this is a wonderful parenting tool。 I highlighted half the book so I can go back to re-read and to be reminded when I need the extra help。 I have already seen an improvement in my relationship and relating to my daughter this week as I have been reading and definitely recommend to anyone who needs some parenting support。
Charlotte Smith
，
A mixed bagWould actually give 2。5 stars if poss。 Some useful info and reminders about positive relationships with children and others but too many “giant leaps” that felt like authors opinion without the evidence to back it up。 Verges on inducing further unnecessary guilt in parents who are clearly working hard to develop their parenting in the first place。 However I cannot fault the overall message around compassion and understanding。
Z。K。
，
This is the greatest book on parenting I have ever read - and I have read a lot of those！ It changed completely my view on certain things concerning higher aspects such as teaching kids values， honesty etc， but also things as ordinary as schedule， everyday "struggels" that we as parents have。 I absolutely love how forthcoming the author is， but also how gently she writes and encourages parents to build an honest and stronger relationship with their kids。She also explains the correlation between This is the greatest book on parenting I have ever read - and I have read a lot of those！ It changed completely my view on certain things concerning higher aspects such as teaching kids values， honesty etc， but also things as ordinary as schedule， everyday "struggels" that we as parents have。 I absolutely love how forthcoming the author is， but also how gently she writes and encourages parents to build an honest and stronger relationship with their kids。She also explains the correlation between the relationship with your kids and your own upbringing， how we have been affected by our own parents。 It is in one word a MUST READ， I have no words for it。 A huge thank you to the author for opening my eyes on such essential topics related to parenthood！ 。。。more
لميس محمد
，
الشرط الأساسي للكائنات الإنسانية - كبارها و صغارها، أنا و أنت - يتمثل في رؤية مشاعرنا و تفهّمها من قبل الأشخاص الذين يحتلّون مكانة مهمة في حياتنا 。 إقتباس من الكتاب 。أستغرقتُ في قراءة هذا الكتاب أكثر من ١٤ يوماً بسبب كميّة المعلومات الكبيرة فيه و الذي يحتاج إلى وقتٍ و تركيز 。。كتاب جداً ثريّ و مُمتع و كُتب بأسلوب سلس بسيط يُناسب كلّ الفئات العمرية ولا يقتصر على الآباء و الأمهات و المربّين بل لجميع فئات المجتمع لأهميته。。يحتوي الكتاب على ستة فصول 。。 أول ٤ فصول كانت جداً رائعه و مهمه لكن فصل ٥ و ٦ و الشرط الأساسي للكائنات الإنسانية - كبارها و صغارها، أنا و أنت - يتمثل في رؤية مشاعرنا و تفهّمها من قبل الأشخاص الذين يحتلّون مكانة مهمة في حياتنا 。 إقتباس من الكتاب 。أستغرقتُ في قراءة هذا الكتاب أكثر من ١٤ يوماً بسبب كميّة المعلومات الكبيرة فيه و الذي يحتاج إلى وقتٍ و تركيز 。。كتاب جداً ثريّ و مُمتع و كُتب بأسلوب سلس بسيط يُناسب كلّ الفئات العمرية ولا يقتصر على الآباء و الأمهات و المربّين بل لجميع فئات المجتمع لأهميته。。يحتوي الكتاب على ستة فصول 。。 أول ٤ فصول كانت جداً رائعه و مهمه لكن فصل ٥ و ٦ وجدت فيهم بعض التكرار لبعض الأفكار 。。إنّ خُلاصة الكتاب أن الأطفال هم بشراً لهم مشاعرهم الخاصّة و رغباتهم قبل أن يكونوا أطفالاً و على هذا الأساس يجب التعامل معهم لا تجاهلهم أو محاولة إلهائهم و إسكاتهم و منعهم من التعبير عن مشاعرهم و رغباتهم 。。 و بداية الطريق لهذا المشوار أن نتخلّص من الماضي السلبي الذي قد يعود و ينتقم منّا من خلال أطفالنا 。。لذلك تنوّه الكاتبه و التي هي بالأصل مُعالجه نفسيّه أنهُ لابدّ أن يتخلّص الآباء و الأمهات من كلّ شعورٍ سيء و ذكرى سيئه مرّت بهم في طفولتهم 。。 ليتمكّنوا من تربية و تنشئة أطفالهم تربيةً صحية سليمه خاليه من العُقد 。。في صفحات هذا الكتاب الكثير الكثير ممّا يتعلّق بالتعامل مع الأطفال بأساليب تُناسبهم و تُلائمهم لا تُلائمنا نحنُ 。。 أنصحكُم بقراءة هذا الكتاب لأهميته حتى لو لم يكُن لديكم أطفالاً ،لأنه سيغيّر تعاملكم حتى مع من حولكم 。。 كتاب مُهم جداً جداً و يجب قراءته。。 إقتباس من الكتاب: الأطفال لا يفعلون ما نقوله لهم بل يقلّدون ما نفعله نحن 。 。。。more
Tiffy Pox
，
This book is such an eye opener。 We are quick to say “stop being silly” when our children complain but we shouldn’t dismiss their feelings。 Instead we should listen and try to understand from their perspective。 A child might complain about something so small， perhaps they don’t like hugging their auntie because they don’t like her perfume。 We shouldn’t dismiss their feelings because our children might refrain from telling us things we REALLY want to hear。 This book asks the reader to think about This book is such an eye opener。 We are quick to say “stop being silly” when our children complain but we shouldn’t dismiss their feelings。 Instead we should listen and try to understand from their perspective。 A child might complain about something so small， perhaps they don’t like hugging their auntie because they don’t like her perfume。 We shouldn’t dismiss their feelings because our children might refrain from telling us things we REALLY want to hear。 This book asks the reader to think about their own childhood and to notice things we perhaps do to our own children。 For example， the book mentions someone who was raised as an only child and received board games as gifts but never really got to play them with his parents。 As an adult， whenever a board game comes out at get-togethers or parties， this person doesn’t like to play board games with the people around him because it just fills him with sadness from his childhood。 As someone who absolutely loves board games， this filled ME with sadness！ Our childhood affects us more than we realise and it’s important we raise our children as best as we can。 I would recommend this book to parents of all ages， those who are expecting and even people who don’t have children at all but perhaps have children/teens in their life。 Brilliant book！ 。。。more
Riccardo Lo Monaco
，
Some Interesting points that I’ll take away but her approach is basically the whole-brain child with different jargon。 Anyway， there’s value in it。
Sophie
，